You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
