do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
