i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
