they need to just BURY HIM!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
