is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
