He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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