My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
