Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
