If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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