you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
