I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
