4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize