You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
