you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
