Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
