ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i now understand why vodka
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
