doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
