so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
