this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i drank out of a bidet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
