The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
