It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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