The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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