her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize