I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
