so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
