like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were trust falling into bushes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
