Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
