Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
