I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
