Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
