I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
smell my finger.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
