just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone came in the potted fern
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize