We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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