In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
