Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
