After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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