Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
