i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
