You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
