Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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