People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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