she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
