I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
