I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
