Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Drake has all the answers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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