I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
