she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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