There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
