That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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