I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
