Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
