Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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