The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
