a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Randomize
