if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize