She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
