your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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