My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
