you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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