I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
