she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
