Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
