My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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