Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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