I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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