wakey wakey hands off snakey
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
