I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
