Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
