...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize