I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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